how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
