i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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