hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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