Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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