Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
