Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
