Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
