I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
