why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
