im six kinds of drunk right now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
