i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
