they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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