stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
