I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
