Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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