are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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