stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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