She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
