there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
