U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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