Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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