Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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