so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
