can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pants are for mortals
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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