a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
