we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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