I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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