Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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