dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
