would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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