Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
