i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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