Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
