Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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