i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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