no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
