im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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