I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
