He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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