I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
this just has baby written all over it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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