It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
