My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
