Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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