Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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