I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
