I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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