So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize