I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
