So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize