Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I deserve this hangover.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
