he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
