He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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