Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
