i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
