i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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