So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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