A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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