I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
