worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
