Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
