Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
