you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
