"it" just moved
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
