my sisters under your porch take her home
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
