she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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