I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
