Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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